Remembering Revealed

I have heard it over and over again..."Adoption is not for the faint of heart".  

Although so very true, I simply can not imagine our family without it. 

It is worth the paperwork

It is worth the hoops that you must jump through

It is worth the faith walk for the finances

It is worth the time spent on your knees crying out to God

It is worth the emotions...

because it matters!

I mentioned a few posts ago about our day of remembering.

(Mélika and Jacob)

It was the anniversary of our son's home going.  It is a day that we look at photos, watch some very amateur home videos, and thank God for the time we had and our cherished memories.  

This year revealed much to this mama's heart.  

As many of you know...The death of our son is what started our life pursuit of adoption.  When Stéphane and I got married we always wanted 2 children, a girl and a boy.

We were so very blessed to have both early in our marriage and truly believed our family was complete.  As you can imagine, when our son died, some dreams were shattered as well.  We were no longer able to have children together biologically and our hearts were leading us in different directions.  

My hubby was heartbroken to lose his son and his heart went into self preservation mode....meaning we should not have other children because it would hurt too much.  I, on the other hand, wanted to heal by having a house full of children.  During the year after our son's death I spent much time crying out to God for another son.  It is not that I did not love or want daughters.  It is simply that I grieved the loss of the bond that I had with my son.  

When we moved back to the states we learned about the situation with Kylee.

I was so very excited and surprised when my hubby, the one who didn't want to hurt, was ready to put himself out there again.  Kylee was in our home for a year, and then she returned with her birthmommy.  Once again...we experienced hurt, loss, grief.

Once again hubby and I wanted to heal that hurt in different ways.  

You need to understand something about my line of thinking...

I truly believe that God is completely in control and HE has hand picked the children that are to be part of our family.

God brought our sweet Kylee back to our family two years later....because it was HIS plan!

We know that all struggles and difficulties are worth it because HE brought her to us and HE will equip us for all we need as we raise her to be a warrior princess for HIS kingdom!!

The adoption journey for Miss Kylee was painful.
And, with good reason, my hubby was not so sure he wanted to adopt again.

Can you guess where my heart was...say it together...yep....A HOUSEFUL!!  

It took several years of crying out to the Lord before my hubby was able/willing to put his heart out there again.  Please understand...it is not because he has a hard heart...it is because when Stéphane loves, he truly loves with all of himself!!!

He has love and compassion that is unending.  I know few people willing to be so very vulnerable in how they love.  This amazing man that God has so graciously blessed me with knows how to love in such a deep/selfless way!

So when he loses that loved one...the hurt is great!

SO, fast forward a bit...
understanding that God chooses our children, we understand that all those baby opportunities that we wanted so very desperately...were not God's choice for us.

We understand that He has hand picked an older child to be the next addition to this family.  

And...as the title says...remembering this year revealed something all of it's own.  

Remember I mentioned earlier
 that the year after Jacob died
I was crying out to my heavenly father for a son...

THAT IS WHEN AARON WAS BORN!!

I have been waiting for my son the same amount of time Aaron has been waiting for a mama...
almost 12 years.  


I have been overlooked by birth mommies and have watched younger couples be chosen...
Aaron has been overlooked by adoptive families and watched younger children be chosen.

I don't know what it feels like to wait your entire life for a family.
I don't know what it is like to grow up in an orphanage,
I don't know what it is like to not have any personal belongings.

But through this journey, God has been preparing our family
and a little boy,
for such a time as this!!!