Oh where to start?!?
Those of you that have been following our journey know that God has been growing us, stretching us, challenging us!!! The domestic adoption road has been eventful and emotional. We have laughed, cried, danced, and mourned. We have put ourselves out there, many times, and have yet to have a successful match.
Along the way our hearts have also been moved and broken for orphans around the world...especially those with special needs!!! It has been difficult to know just what to do with this information. We thought it was wise to adopt domestically first because of the birthmother selection process...then do special needs or older child adoption in the future. How long do you wait to be chosen? How long do you watch children in need of a family around the world and hold tight to what you think you want?
Then God brought a young lady into our hearts and our home. We pray that as she spends time in our home, Christ will love her through us...that she will feel cherished and equipped to take strides toward her end goals. We knew when we opened our home that it could affect our ability to adopt in the future. But...we decided to walk in faith and LET GOD!
Earlier this week I read THIS...yep...an opportunity to do what I have been dreaming about for literally YEARS!!! Uganda has been on my heart for so very long and I have always wanted to do an orphan specific missions trip there!!! When I read this post I started yelling in my bedroom...pick me...pick me!!! I asked my hubby if I could go and without hesitation, he said YES. He actually blessed my socks off and let me know he may also want to make the trip:) So, I filled out the paperwork and sent in the application.
Well friends...that brings us to the last 24 hours:)
Yesterday I got an email from a gal we love love that did our homestudy. She was checking in with us and wanting to know where we stand in adoption land. I have to be honest...I have been quite afraid to tell her, or the gal from the referral agency, that we have added faces to our home. I knew that it could potentially stop our plans to adopt and I just could not bring myself to share that info...before yesterday that is:)
The long story short is that I told her the situation....and we can still adopt but we have to update our homestudy ASAP... yep, more time and money....BUT GOD!!
THEN...I read THAT about a "Share Your Summer" program that allows older orphans from the Philippines to be hosted for the summer. I have followed this blog for a long time. Quite frankly I have heard about the "Share Your Summer" program before. So...why did it mess me up this time? Maybe it was the fact that the other boys from the orphanage were going to host families and three would be left behind...maybe it was because I imagined my sweet Kylee being one of the unchosen. I really cannot tell you what struck a cord with me. For some reason....I could not get Aaron, one of the three, off my mind. The girls and I prayed for all three boys. Please God, place it on the hearts of the right family for them.
Later in the day I was still in knots about Aaron needing a home. So, I contacted the blog writer and asked a few questions.
Then this morning...SHE SENT ME PICTURES!!! I looked at the eyes of this 11 year old...it messed me up. I struggled much over the course of the day. We had company, went to the stables, and had some commitments. I really could not talk to my husband about it before evening came.
My hubby looked at me and said...I just don't understand what the problem is Joy! We have had infant adoption on our hearts for years...you have wanted to rock babies in Uganda for years...you cannot save everyone Joy...this is really a no brainer. I looked at him and said, "will you look at the picture?" He let me know that he didn't need to see the picture...we were not doing it. I asked again if he would just look at the picture. He wanted to know what I hoped to gain from looking at the picture. I told him I hoped to gain confirmation. After a few more times around...he agreed to look at the picture. He looked at both pictures sent for a very long time. Then he read the emails that provided more info. My sweet hubby looked at me and said...you don't even know the dates of the hosting program or how much it costs. I looked at him in complete shock. Why did he care about the dates or cost? He said BECAUSE WE NEED TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD TAKE TO BRING HIM HOME!!!
Friends, I really do not know what the next 24 hours will hold! I don't know if we missed the deadline for the hosting program. (it was to end today) I don't know if another family stepped up today to be Aaron's forever family.
We still want to adopt infants, we still want to go to Uganda to rock babies and eventually adopt them:) All I can say is that God is truly stretching us in every way possible!!
Please pray that God will open/close doors so that we will remain in HIS perfect will!!! We do not want to make decisions on emotions, guilt, selfishness, or fear. I have been praying since last night for God to grant knowledge and understanding in this situation. Now we are praying as a family that God will continue to reveal HIS will and give us wisdom and discernment as we step out in faith once again!!!
James 1:5 says....If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.