I have always prided myself in the fact that I am not a hoarder. I know hoarders. (Shhhh...don't tell...I even live with a few). But I have never really liked to hold onto things. I loath clutter and have always functioned with the mind set that if we haven't used it in a few months....bless someone else with it. We have moved 9 times in our 17 years of marriage. Can I share a secret....I love moving:) It is exhilarating!!! I love cleaning out, getting rid of stuff, and starting over.
All that being said...I discovered something about myself recently.
I have been a storage room hoarder!!! Who knew?
I realized that I have been hoarding baby things. When we moved to NC, about a third of our moving van was baby gear that I had been given over the years. I was holding onto it in faith that we really were adopting. There were times I went to the storage room to just look at it, organize it, or tell God....look, I am ready....is it time yet?
Once we actually started the journey to adopting, friends and family lathered us with their gently loved baby things. It blessed my socks off and made me feel like I was prepared.
When we thought our babies were coming, we got it all out...finished a nursery...hung the clothes up...placed the toys...straightened the frames.
But then God took us down a different path. One that required removing everything and placing it back in that storage room.
I kept a few things close by...you know...in case God still had our littles just around the corner. My hubby humored me as we set the crib up in our room, changing table and toys in the living room, and stuffed our closet with countless baby essentials. I also refused to unpack the carry on suitcase that contained all the twin baby essentials that I had packed for Oklahoma.
I have been in the process of giving everything over to Christ. I have learned that hoarding baby things is not going to fill my home with children faster. It is not walking in faith...but instead holding onto my selfishness. Yep, really thought I had been making ground on that...Christ revealed more areas I needed to surrender.
I started giving things to Agape Pregnancy Center a few weeks back. They have a great need and I had double and triple of some things. I also sent off all the girl baby clothes I had been holding onto. I said see God...look how much I gave away:) Although it was a good step, I was still holding onto the things I really treasured.
This week I learned that a dear friend of mine is in need of baby boy clothes. And I learned that there is a young girl in our church in need of diapers. How can I hoard things in totes in my storage room when there is someone in need just around the corner? I filled a trunk load of baby boy things last night. But, I woke up this morning knowing there is still much more to be shared.
Can you believe this was still up there?!?
I have come to a place of letting go and letting God. I know HE has called us to adoption. I know HE has a plan. I know HE will provide our every need as we walk humbly in HIS will. I don't need things to make it happen...just an obedient heart and willing spirit. HE will provide all we need when it is the right time.
I will be honest...I have shed more tears than I knew I had over the past two months. But through it, I am growing. And that my friends is worth it.
In case you were wondering...that last suitcase is now unpacked. It is time to let God heal the broken places and prepare for this leg of the journey.